You want in on a little secret?
Invest in death.
That's right, you can't lose. It's always a money-making proposition. No matter what form you choose. Let's look at your options!
A perennial favorite! Thousands of years of excellent return on investment. Billions dead prove that this can't be beat for overall cost-effective management. Ask a politician, military leader or defense contractor today about investment opportunities!
Can't bring yourself to face the real deal? That's OK! We can pretend, just like kids playing 'grownup'. Books, TV, movies, video games, you name it, we got it! Death in a thousand ways, performed in slow motion, multi-angle, digitally enhanced, anywhere on earth or in space. There's no limit!
It's the next best thing to warfare! Plot, plan, execute your strategy. Win at all costs! Drugs? Cheating? It's all expected, as long as it's not detected by the 'officials'. Pay-offs not included.
That's right, the one most people never consider. That slow, excruciating crush of fiscal collapse. Watching as every last penny is squeezed to keep a roof overhead and food in the mouth. As seen on TV!
Conspicuous consumption? Can't get enough of it? You gotta have something to put in them landfills! Why worry about killing off the planet, you won't be around to clean up the mess anyway! Leave it for the next generation, the lazy slackers!
That's just the tip of the iceberg! Ask the people on the "Titanic" about that!
It's the one thing that everyone has to deal with, so let's make money on it!
It's not funny, but it sure is final!
Give your money to someone else today.
After all, you can't take it with you!